Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The U.S. Senseless...

Irony.  You can live outside the Grand Island city limits and be counted in the "2010 Senseless Drive Toward 50,000," that will release the federal fundage floodgates across our Grande Isla...but on the other side of the coin you outsiders aren't good enough to get a library card in GI unless you fork up $40.00 annually to be a library patron.  This is an outrage and a slap in the face to the people bordering this festering pustule of humanity and greed.  

I have half a notion to go on Craigslist and offer my services as a "Library Mercenary"...checking out books with my free card under the cover of darkness...providing them to the folks outside the city confines for a mere $10.00 dollars a year.  I wonder if there is a limit to the number of books I can have checked out at one time?  I bet I could sign up enough clients to leave me with a pretty good stockpile of cool refreshing beverages this summer.  Books for Beer...oooh rahhh!  You could pick your selections up at my house avoiding the crime ridden downtown and the traffic congestion that the New Nebraska State Fair will bring...that's worth another fiver at least.    Maybe I could recruit a team of "Checkout Commando's" (minimum 10-year enlistment.)   Forged Library cards are out unless I can get into their computer database so I can't go there cause the Library Police are going to be watching.  

Speaking of Library Police...nothing was stated in the local pulp opinery regarding the stiff behavioral enforcement sanctions the Library Gestapo want enacted.  Seems some of the local stiff noses think our library gets a bit unruly and populated with undesirables at times.  And for the life of me I can't remember if burka's will be allowed or not.  


The Pip said...

You are never gonna make the 50K level if you don't start sending the forms back. The Indepedunce said only 25% have come in from GI. 30% from Hall County. I know that I shouldn't refer to your town as Turd City, but I had the misfortune of catching a whiff of the processing plant. What a rancid wind. I bet if that wind blew across the Riverside or sw lakes area the smell would stop.

One Out In The Third said...


Mrs. One Out mailed ours before I could get to it. I could have added another 8 people to our form.

You don't understand the purpose of Grand Island's unique smells.

Our city fathers were actually forward thinking weather shamans. They placed feed lots to announce the prevailing westerlies...an onion ring making factory to announce the Boreas wind...a packing plant and race horse crap storage facility to warn us of the easterly upslope and horse racing season...and they tried their damndest to build an ethanol plant to keep us attune of the dominant southerlies.

Pip...all that stench is a public service.